1. Smoke jimson weed. Do whatever comes naturally.
2. Switch the sheets on your beds while s/he is at class.
3. Twitch a lot.
4. Pretend to talk while pretending to be asleep.
5. Steal a fishtank. Fill it with beer and dump sardines in it. Talk to them.
6. Become a subgenius.
7. Inject his/her twinkies with a mixture of Dexatrim and MSG.
8. Learn to levitate. While your roommate is looking away, float up out of your seat. When s/he turns to look, fall back down and grin.
9. Speak in tongues.
10. Move you roommate's personal effects around. Start subtlely. Gradually work up to big things, and eventually glue everything s/he owns to the ceiling.
11. Walk and talk backwards.
12. Spend all your money on Jolt Cola. Drink it all. Stack the cans in the middle of your room. Number them.
13. Spend all your money on Transformers. Play with them at night. If your roommate says anything, tell him/her with a straight face, "They're more than meets the eye."
14. Recite entire movie scripts (e.g. "The Road Warrior," "Repo Man," Casablanca,") almost inaudibly.
15. Kill roaches with a monkey wrench while playing Wagnerian arias on a kazoo. If your roommate complains, explain that it is for your performance art class (or hit him/her with the wrench).
16. Collect all your urine in a small jug.
17. Chain yourself to your roommate's bed. Get him/her to bring you food.
18. Get a computer. Leave it on when you are not using it. Turn it off when you are.
19. Ask your roommate if your family can move in "just for a couple of weeks."
20. Buy as many back issues of Field and Stream as you can. Pretend to masturbate while reading them.
21. Fake a heart attack. When your roommate gets the paramedics to come, pretend nothing happened.
22. Eat glass.
23. Smoke ballpoint pens.
24. Smile. All the time.
25. Collect dog shit in baby food jars. Sort them according to what you think the dog ate.
26. Burn all your waste paper while eying your roommate suspiciously.
27. Hide a bunch of potato chips and Ho Hos in the bottom of a trash can. When you get hungry, root around in the trash. Find the food, and eat it.If your roommate empties the trash before you get hungry, demand that s/he reimburse you.
28. Leave a declaration of war on your roommate's desk. Include a list of grievances.
29. Paste boogers on the windows in occult patterns.
30. Shoot rubber bands at your roommate while his/her back is turned, and then look away quickly.
31. Dye all your underwear lime green.
32. Spill a lot of beer on his/her bed. Swim.
33. Bye three loaves of stale bread. Grow mold in the closet.
34. Hide your underwear and socks in your roommate's closet. Accuse him/her of stealing it.
35. Remove your door. Ship it to your roommate's parents (postage due).
36. Pray to Azazoth or Zoroaster. Sacrifice something nasty.
37. Whenever your roommate walks in, wait one minute and then stand up. Announce that you are going to take a shower. Do so. Keep this up for three weeks.
38. Array thirteen toothbrushes of different colors on your dresser. Refuse to discuss them.
39. Paint your half of the room black. Or paisley.
40. Whenever he/she is about to fall asleep, ask questions that start with "Didja ever wonder why." Be creative.
41. Shave one eyebrow.
42. Put your mattress underneath your bed. Sleep down under there and pile your dirty clothes on the empty bedframe. If your roommate comments, mutter "Gotta save space," twenty times while twitching violently.
43. Put horseradish in your shoes.
44. Shelve all your books with the spines facing the wall. Complain loudly that you can never find the book that you want.
45. Always flush the toilet three times.
46. Subsist entirely on pickles for a week. Vomit often.
47. Buy a copy of Frankie Yankovic's "Pennsylvania Polka," and play it at least 6 hours a day. If your roommate complains, explain that it's an assignment for your primitive cultures class.
48. Give him/her an allowance.
49. Listen to radio static.
50. Open your window shades before you go to sleep each night. Close them as soon as you wake up.
51. Cry a lot.
52. Send secret admirer notes on your roommate's blitzmail.
53. Clip your fingernails and toenails and keep them in a baggie. Leave the baggie near your computer and snack from it while studying. If he/she walks by, grab the bag close and eye him/her suspiciously.
54. Paste used kleenexes to his/her walls.
55. Whenever your roomate comes in from the shower, lower your eyes and giggle to yourself.
56. If you get in before your roomate, go to sleep in his/her bed.
57. Put pornos under his/her bed. Whenever someone comes to visit your roommate when they're not home, show them the magazines.
58. Whenever you go to sleep, start jumping on your bed.do so for a while, then jump really high and act like you hit your head on the ceiling. Crumple onto your bed and fake like you were knocked out.use this method to fall asleep every night for a month.
59. If your roommate goes away for a weekend, change the locks.
60. Whenever his/her parents call and ask for your roommate, breathe into the phone for 5 seconds then hang up.
61. Whenever he/she goes to shower, drop whatever you're doing, grab a towel, and go shower too.
62. Find out your roommate's post office box code. Open it and take his/her mail. Do this for one month.After that, send the mail to him/her by UPS.
63. Collect all of your pencil shavings and sprinkle them on the floor.
64. Create an imaginary cat for a pet. Talk to it every night, act like you're holding it, keep a litter box under your desk. After two weeks, say that your cat is missing. Put up signs in your dorm, blame your roommate.
65. Call safety & security whenever your roommate turns up his/her music.
66. Follow him/her around on weekends.
67. Sit on the floor and talk to the wall.
68. Whenever the phone rings, get up and answer the door.
69. Whenever someone knocks, answer the phone.
70. Take his/her underwear. Wear it.
71. Whenever your roommate is walking through the room, bump into him/her.
72. Stare at your roommate for five minutes out of every hour. Don't say anything, just stare.
73. Tell your roommate that someone called and said that it was really important but you can't remember who it was.
74. Let mice loose in his/her room.
75. Give each of your walls a different name. Whenever you can't answer a problem, ask each of your walls. Write down their responses, then ask your ceiling for the final answer. Complain to your roommate that you don't trust your ceiling.
76. Take your roommate's papers and hand them in as your own.
77. Skip to the bathroom.
78. Take all of your roommate's furniture and build a fort. Guard the fort for an entire weekend.
79. Gather up a garbage bag full of leaves and throw them in a pile in his/her room. Jump in them. Comment about the beautiful foilage.
80. When you walk into your room, turn off your lights. Turn them on then you leave.
81. Print up satanic signs and leave them in your room where he/she can find them.
82. Whenever you're on the phone and he/she walks in, hang up immediately without saying anything and crawl under your desk. Sit there for two minutes than call whoever it was back.
83. Insist on writing the entire lyrics to American Pie on your ceiling above your bed. Sing them every night before you go to bed.
84. Use a bible as kleenex. Yell at your roommate if they say Jesus or God Damnit.
85. Burn incense.
86. Eat moths.
87. Buy Sea Monkeys and grow them. Name one after your roommate. Announce the next day that that one died. Name another one after your roommate. The next day say that it died. Keep this up until they all die.
88. Collect Chia-Pets.
89. Refuse to communicate in anything but sign language.
90. Eat a bag of marshmellows before you go to bed. The next day, spray three bottles of whip cream all over your floor. Say you got sick.
91. Wipe deoderant all over your roommate's walls.
92. If you know that he/she is in the room, come barging in out of breath. Ask if they saw a fat bald naked Tibetan man run through carrying a hundred dollar bill. Run back out swearing.
93. Leave apple cores on his/her bed.
94. Keep feces in your fridge. Complain that there is never anything to eat.
95. Piss in a jar and leave it by your bed. When your roommate isn't looking, replace it with a jar of apple juice. Wait until your roommate turns around. Drink it.
96. Don't ever flush.
97. Buy an inflatable doll. Sleep with it.
98. Hang stuffed animals with nooses from your ceiling. Whenever you walk by them mutter, "You shouldn't have done that to me."
99. Lick him/her while they are asleep.
100. Dress in drag.

20 More Ways To Confuse Your Roommate:

1. Every morning, when you get up, say, "Well, time to go to class." Sit on your bed and act like you're turning your room key in the ignition. Then act like you're driving, turning an invisible steering wheel and making, "Rrrrrrrrrrrr, rrrrrrrrrrrrrr" engine sounds. Then, one day, chug a few beers before "driving" to class. Make the "Rrrrrrrrrrr" sounds, and then say, "Screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeech" and act like you've had a car accident. Fling yourself off the bed and across the room, and pretend to be hurt. Spend the day in bed with an icepack on your forehead.
2. Whenever your roommate sneezes, immediately call the Rescue Squad and report that your roommate is spreading a highly contageous, infectious disease around the building. If your roommate protests, go on a tangent about health codes.
3. Every night, when you do your homework, put a balloon on the chair before you sit down. When the balloon breaks, act like you've been startled. Scream continuously for two minutes. Then, stop suddenly, and start on your homework, as if nothing happened.
4. Wear earmuffs, all the time. Act like you can never understand what your roommate is saying. Pick up the phone at random, say "Hello?", and act confused, as if you don't understand why nobody's there. Answer the door at random, as if somebody had knocked, and look around the hallway as if somebody's supposed to be there. After about a week, stop wearing the earmuffs, and advise your roommate to never buy a hearing aid at a garage sale.
5. When you return from a class, instead of opening the door, break it down wwith a big piece of lumber. Tell your roommate you forgot your key.
6. Every night, when your roommate comes home, wait on the other side of the door. When your roommate opens the door, act like he/she hit you in the head, and that you've been knocked unconcious. Spend the night sleeping on the floor. After about a week, go to bed as you normally would. Complain loudly that you can't sleep.
7. Get lots of tomatoes. Sit with them in a corner of the room and have ssecret meetings. Inform your roommate that you have been nominated for president of the tomatoes. Put up campaign posters around the room. Select one tomato to be your campaign manager. Make speeches in front of the tomatoes. Then, one day, when your roommate comes back, give him/her a jar of tomato sauce, go on a tirade about fixed elections, and tell him/her that you really didn't want to be president of the tomatoes anyway.
8. Get a hamster. Keep it in a cage, with a little exercise wheel. Whenever the hamster runs in the wheel, stand next to the cage and jog in place. Tell your roommate that the hamster is your "personal trainer." Someplace outside the room, let your roommate catch you eating a candy bar. Beg him/her not to tell the hamster about it.
9. After you take a shower, instead of drying yourself with a towel, stand in the middle of the room and spin around 100 times. Spend an hour in bed, complaining that you feel dizzy and sick.
10. Chew gum often. When you're finished chewing it, store it in a drawer until you've amassed a huge wad of used gum. If your roommate inquires, go on a tangent about recycling. When the gum wad gets big enough, sit it in front of the TV and let it watch cartoons. Complain to your roommate that the gum wad never watches anything educational.
11. Stick your head out the door and announce whatever your roommate is doing to the rest of the building. "He/She's getting out a book!" "He/She's taking out his/her glasses!" Go around the building and take requests for what people would like your roommate to do. Report the results to your roommate.
12. Bring your roommate gifts, but act angry and upset when you give them tto him/her. If your roommate inquires, yell at him/her and shout "It is better to give than to receive, you stupid moron!"
13. Get a duck. While your roommate is out, put on some dance music, and wait for your roommate to come back. When he/she does, let him/her catch you dancing with the duck. Act surprised, turn off the music, and immediately go to bed. Get rid of the duck, and refuse to ever acknowledge that the incident occurred.
14. Turn out all the lights, and wait for your roommate to come home. When he/she does, whack him/her in the head with a golf club. Apologize, and explain that you thought he/she was a burglar.
15. Make your roommate show you two forms of ID before you let him/her use the telephone, microwave, etc. If he/she ever refuses, scream for help, and accuse your roommate of being an imposter.
16. Whenever your roommate wears something red, act like a bull and charge him/her with your head, knocking him/her down if possible. Suggest that your roommate sign up for matador lessons.
17. If your roommate snores, make a tape recording of it. Play it at full volume out your window. Tell your roommate that you're trying to summon a hippopotamus.
18. Every time you want to leave the room, stand and knock at the door until someone in the hall lets you out. If your roommate inquires, give him/her a lecture on politeness.
19. Collect various types of insects. Keep them in jars. Complain to your roommate that the insects seem lathargic. Start running bingo games for the insects. One day, while your roommate is out, release the insects and paint insect bites and bee stings on your body. When your roomate returns, advise him/her to never cheat while playing with bingo-obsessed bugs.
20. Get an extension cord. Put one end in your mouth, and plug the other end into the wall each night while you do your homework. If your roommate asks about it, act as though you're ashamed for having been so foolish. The next day, pretend to drink some gasoline before doing your homework, and explain to your roommate that gas is cheaper than electricity.